Some people are bringing artificial intelligence into their relationship disputes. But what happens when the chatbot takes sides?
You’re having an argument with your partner. Neither of you is backing down. Both are convinced they’re right.
So what do you do?
Apparently, some people are turning to ChatGPT.
Yes, the same chatbot people use to write emails, plan vacations and answer homework questions is now being asked to settle relationship disputes.
And some people aren’t just typing their complaints. They’re using ChatGPT’s voice feature during arguments to ask whether they’re being unreasonable.
It might sound funny, but it’s happening.
A survey of 1,000 young British adults found that 21% of ChatGPT users had discussed their romantic lives with the chatbot. Among that group, another 21% had asked it to evaluate an argument with their partner to see whether they were right.
But there’s an interesting catch.
Researchers have found that AI chatbots can be surprisingly agreeable with the person asking the question.
Which raises another question: What happens when both partners ask ChatGPT who’s right?
Meet the new relationship referee
In London, 28-year-old Jeremias Denton has found a rather modern way to handle disagreements.
He told Wired Middle East that he turns on ChatGPT’s voice feature during arguments, describes what’s happening and asks whether he’s being irrational.
He says it’s been useful.
And he’s not alone in experimenting with AI as a relationship adviser.
Nate Klemp, co-author of The 80/80 Marriage, also tried using artificial intelligence to work through disagreements with his wife.
His experience was a little different.
Although some suggestions were helpful, Klemp noticed that consulting AI sometimes made him more inclined to blame his wife.
Then there was the time he asked AI to write a sweet message before his wife left for a trip.
The message was so unlike him that his wife wondered whether his phone had been hacked.
Apparently, even romance has its limits when a chatbot is doing the writing.
Why are people telling ChatGPT their relationship problems?
Part of the appeal may be simple: ChatGPT is available whenever someone wants to talk.
No need to call a friend, explain the backstory or worry about interrupting someone’s dinner.
In the British survey, 44% of respondents who discussed relationships with ChatGPT said they wanted advice or suggestions. Another 42% wanted what they considered a more objective perspective.
And 35% wanted an opinion different from those of friends or family.
Here’s another curious finding: Only 38% of users in relationships said their partners knew about these conversations.
So, in some relationships, ChatGPT may already know about the latest disagreement before the other partner knows AI has been consulted.
The phenomenon isn’t limited to Britain. A Pew Research Center survey found that 10% of American adults had used chatbots for emotional support or advice, although that figure includes situations beyond romantic relationships.
But what if ChatGPT agrees with everyone?
Here’s where the story gets especially interesting.
Imagine two people having the same argument.
One opens ChatGPT and explains why their partner was unreasonable.
The other opens a separate conversation and explains why they were the one being treated unfairly.
Could both walk away feeling vindicated?
It’s possible, although the research doesn’t establish how frequently that happens.
A review of 21 studies published in Computers in Human Behavior Reports found that people often considered AI relationship advice empathetic and helpful.
But researchers also identified inconsistent responses, weak agreement with expert judgments and a tendency for chatbots to accommodate users’ perspectives.
Scientists call that tendency sycophancy.
In everyday language, it means the chatbot may be a little too eager to agree with you.
And while having someone validate your feelings can be comforting, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re right.
After all, ChatGPT hasn’t heard the argument firsthand. It doesn’t know what happened before the disagreement or what the other person would say.
So, should couples invite ChatGPT into their arguments?
Maybe the better question is what they want it to do.
Asking a chatbot to help find calmer words for a difficult conversation is different from asking it to declare a winner.
Researchers found some promising short-term results from AI-assisted relationship exercises, but the strongest trial in the review found no significant advantage over an established writing exercise.
The evidence is still preliminary.
There are also privacy concerns when sharing intimate details, and serious relationship problems involving threats or abuse require more than a chatbot’s opinion.
Still, it’s easy to understand the attraction of having an always-available sounding board.
Perhaps the next time an argument gets heated, someone will say, “Let’s see what ChatGPT thinks.”
Just remember: If the chatbot says you’re right, your partner might want a second opinion.
